Palo Alto: Calling for Interpersonal Reform

As you’ve probably already heard from news articles and countless Facebook statuses, more and more young adults in Palo Alto are choosing to end their own lives. Palo Alto is notorious for its cutthroat culture, and many people believe that this unfortunate cultural system can't be changed. And boy, do I disagree.

As much as I love Palo Alto-- and trust me, I really do-- the underlying culture is in fact highly oppressive towards teens.  Many teachers and students alike measure self worth in terms of GPA, college acceptances and overall prestige.  From my own experience growing up in Palo Alto, I found that students were uncharacteristically critical and negative towards each other.  Students were so blatantly competitive over topics ranging from academics to body image.  To add to the negativity, Palo Alto is filled with immense disparities in wealth—wealth that I didn’t realize was unusual until I left home for the first time.  In addition to all that, there are still all the usual struggles characteristic of teenager years: insecurities, social life issues, problems at home that are beyond a student's control, etc.  And on top of everything else, potential underlying mental health issues.

Now back to addressing changing “this system.”  Sometimes it feels like a lost cause to try and change this unique, strange cultural system in Palo Alto.  But I am adamant that change is not only possible, it’s within reach.  And no, I’m not just talking a Facebook photo campaign or adjustments in school policies.  I’m talking small, but critical changes in the way we interact with people.

It seems like such a simple thing, telling people to refine the ways they interact with their peers.  But something as small as sincerely asking, “How are you doing?” can go a long way.  And following up with questions when your peer says, “Not so well, I’ve been pretty stressed out lately,” instead of starting a competition to see who’s suffering more (and come on, I know you and I both have done this at some point).  Maybe they’ll tell you about what’s been going on at home, or with their relationships or with academics.  Even if it’s just in passing in the halls, trust me, active listening matters. By no means is this the full solution to a complex array of social issues, but this feels like a step in the right direction to create more personal support within a community.  

Small demonstrations of human compassion like this can make a huge difference.  I’m not even talking going as far as being someone’s close friend (Although that’s great.  Friendship is wonderful!).  I’m talking simply listening to peers in the halls while walking to class, picking up on their body language, and offering even small displays of support.  From my own personal experience at Rice, even small displays of kindness can result in people opening up to each other.  And two people trusting each other creates support systems that can empower each person to get help when needed.

Rice has been ranked multiple times as home of the #1 Happiest Students.  But did you know that according to the Rice National College Health Assessment in 2014 by Rice’s Wellness Center,  29.8% of students at Rice felt so depressed that it was difficult to function?  That’s right.  Almost one in three students at Rice, one of the happiest universities in the states, is suffering.  Now I could only imagine that number is higher for high school students in Palo Alto, among other places.  Showing that you care, even in small ways, can make a huge difference.  Because odds are your neighbor is hurting, and just seriously listening can be the support someone needs to make it through the day.  And this isn’t just advice for people in Palo Alto.  This is social reform that is relevant absolutely everywhere.  So please take a moment next time your friend, roommate, classmate, etc seems distressed and really try to be there for them in a way that seems right.  I know I’ll keep trying, and I hope you do to. 

If you or a loved one needs to, give them a call!  Or reach out to someone that cares about you, like me :)