Pivotal Moments in Manipal

Just as a heads up, this is going to be a long post.  If you only have time to read one of the two sections, I would jump straight to Part II: Wisdom Across the Ages.  I have a feeling this post will be worth your time if you choose to stick it out :) 

Part I: My Experiences with Family and Culture

One of the most striking aspects of the culture here is that traditionally, families are extremely close.  My parents have tried describing the closeness to me back in the US, but I could never fully get a grasp of it until I visited my own family in Manipal.  To put things into perspective, my uncles, their spouses, their children, and the grandparent all live happily in the same house!  Manipal is small relative to the other cities we visited, so our immediate family members live within a 15-minute radius from each other, making large family gatherings more feasible.  Like in parts of the US, people become close with their neighbors here (although back in California I hardly know my neighbors at all).  My younger cousin tells me that children tend to hang out more with their families than they do with their classmates, which is very different from the cultural norm in the US.  Now I understand why I feel so driven to come home to California for medical school/work while many of my friends are ready for full-blown independence— being close with family is part of my heritage!

Family gatherings were a blast!  There were roughly 12 of us for each meal, and the food was incredible.  There were so many home-cooked dishes, many of which used locally grown produce, and each item was delicious.  I broke my “no uncooked food” rule to try local fruits, which were so unique.  I officially love sitaphal (custard apple) and sour grapefruit kernels with rock sugar.  Variations of these fruits grow in my family’s backyard, in addition to numerous other fruit trees, veggies and flowers.  

We started off our first family gathering with a “talent show” of sorts.  Before we arrived, my parents, brother and I were honestly not looking forward to this part due to our lack of performance talent, but we ended up having a blast!  My aunt and uncle put on a skit with beautiful dancing to welcome us to Manipal, and my great aunt did an improve dance which was a lot of fun for everyone!  My parents, brother and I selected a few riddles we knew for entertainment, which were thankfully a hit.  We would never think to hold such an event in the US, but I’m glad we did, because the “show” was great fun for everyone involved.   We then played games where my parents, brother and I had to guess the names and ages of the elders and uncles.  Then the elders had to guess my major and my brother’s hobbies through a multiple choice charades test.  There was no pressure if we forgot anyone’s names, and we laughed a LOT.

My great aunt dancing!

We also went out on a few family outings, my favorite of which were the boating trip I described in my last post, and a beach + temple trip.  Over a dozen of us piled into some cars and hit Malpe beach.  We snacked in the sand, played in the waters and built a shell-studded sand castle.  Unfortunately, an uncle of mine lost his phone in the ocean, but aside from that the trip was great!

A few of us on the Swarna river

Some of my family members and some random people at sunset.  I just liked the way the picture looked!

On the way home from the beach, we stopped at a temple in Udupi to watch the nightly winter ceremony.  The idol of Krishna was placed in a huge chariot, which people pulled in a circle around the temple property.  A beautiful decorated elephant led the proceedings, and they lit fireworks as the chariot went around.  The temple was so crowded that night, and for good reason.  It was quite a sight.

An elephant, which wasn't actually behind bars.  These iron gates didn't fully close, so the elephant was free to roam around.  You could choose to put money in its trunk, then it would touch your head with its trunk to bless you :)

The chariot being pulled by a crowd of people

Manipal was once a smaller town, but being home to a university has facilitated the city’s growth from when we last visited. My ancestor Dr. T.M.A Pai is responsible for Manipal’s massive growth because he founded the local medical and engineering schools, so we visited the museum built to commemorate his life and accomplishments.  The museum displays our family trees, which helped me get a sense of my family’s origins and how far we’ve come. 

Our family tree!

“It is no use feeling sorry for conditions in our country: It only means we must improve these conditions” –Dr. T.M.A Pai

This quote was posted on the wall of the museum.  It’s really great to see that my ancestors had similar principles that I still carry to this day through my work with Global Brigades, and through posts like “My Breaking Point!”

After leaving the museum, we visited the house in which my maternal grandma was born and raised, although now it has been converted into a modern restaurant.  The manager allowed us to take a tour of the restaurant as my great-aunt told us stories about her childhood with respect to different parts of the building.  Getting to see where the elders of my family were brought into this world was very powerful.  Without them, I wouldn't be here today!

Part II: Wisdom Across the Ages

As our trip in Manipal came to a close, my aunts warmly instructed me to share my secret to success with my younger cousins (an 8^th grader and a 10^th grader).   I am the oldest by far out of my generation of cousins—most of which are babies or young children, so they look up to me as a role model.  Now you have to understand, both of these two cousins are extremely bright.  The older cousin is an outstanding mathematician/musician and the younger cousin is an avid reader/writer.  So naturally, the first thing I told each of them when I pulled them aside was that I know in my heart that they each have bright futures ahead of them.   Afterwards, I let them know that in life, we all will undoubtedly make mistakes, but the key is to grow from each of them.  I personally have faltered quite a few times in my life, but the reason I am who I am today is because I’ve grown and learned from each mistake I’ve made.  And I also let them know that even if I’m not in India, I’m always quick call or email away if they ever need advice or fresh perspective from an outside source.  My cousins are family, so I promise to have their backs if they ever need me, and to keep their concerns private if that is what they so desire. 

In addition to my individual advice, my aunts thought it would be great if I shared my secrets to success with the entire family at our next dinner gathering, and so I did.  We all sat in a circle, and I shared similar advice to the entire group.  My uncles busted out the cameras and video taped my responses to share with other cousins who couldn’t be there.  It was quite nerve wracking and strange at first, but I grew comfortable in front of the large audience. 

30 minutes before we left for the airport to travel to Manipal, the parents of my cousins questioned me more about the key to my success in front of the large group.  As I spoke, elaborating on my previous advice, my uncle kept questioning fervently: but how do you make sure you end up successful?  And my reply was that if you never really can guarantee success—for all we know our lives could change drastically tomorrow because of uncontrollable circumstances, but if your heart is in the right place, everything will work out in the end.  We’ll all do things that stray from the path of success or our family values, but if we know the things we did were for the right reasons, it will be okay.  And that's just a natural part of life.  If we learn from our mistakes, we’ll keep growing into better people.

That answer still didn’t seem to fully satisfy them, but only because they were being good, but worried parents who want best for their children.  In a room full of 15 people, 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave, the parents of my cousins said passionately, “We just want our kids to be perfect like you.”  And that’s when the conversation got to me.  I’m not perfect, and have many faults. I don’t know much about my religion, my language, my home country.  I recently decided to take a gap year (which is frowned upon in Indian families when you could just go straight to med school), my SAT scores and MCAT scores weren’t perfect, etc.  I came to India very afraid that people wouldn’t accept me because of all these flaws.  And in America, I tend to distance myself from other Indian communities because I feel so judged.  (To put things into perspective, one time, an elderly Indian woman who I had just met criticized my acne in front of a huge group of people at a Konkani dinner party-- which wasn't even that crazy of an occurrence at an Indian party).  And to make everything harder, I'm pioneering the next generation of cousins-- setting the bar and having to decide how to strike cultural balances between my American lifestyle and Indian heritage without having anyone else in my age group to look up to.  I’m not perfect, and as I explained this, I started to tear up and cry. 

That’s when all the elders started chiming in with dewy eyes and smiles:
  

“Nobody’s perfect, we’re all human and have made mistakes!” 

“There’s a huge difference between community and family.  Indian communities judge hard, but family will love you no matter what"
"We know how you feel, we've been there and we all can relate in our own ways!"

"Being the first of the generation is hard. Two of us are also the oldest of our generation, and have felt the pressure of leading the youngsters too"
“We love you and we’re so proud of you!”

“Come back to India!”

And then we had to say our goodbyes and rush off to the airport.

In Manipal, I don’t feel like I’m being judged. In my experience, Indian communities in the states focus on my generation’s flaws.  But here, my family focuses on achievements. Now, I know in my heart that I’ll always fit in here as long as I stay true to myself, even if I deviate from what I picture the ideal Indian woman to be.  This experience was probably my most transformative moment of the trip, even more so than the one described in "My Breaking Point."  For moments like these, I’ll always be grateful.  

Thanks for sticking through this long post!  Stay tuned for my final post about my experiences in India.  It's been a great journey :)

Cultural and Societal Reflections from my First Day in Bombay

Bombay is a lot like New York City.  It's the financial capital of India, home to big business, big money and Bollywood.  There are plenty of skyscrapers, luxury car dealerships, country clubs, etc. But with all this extreme wealth comes extreme poverty, just like in NYC.

The 27 story, billion dollar Ambani building, which is the exorbitant family home I referenced in "My Breaking Point."  For those following my blog that have read that post, you should know that there is hope!  Along the streets even in the posh parts of Bombay, I saw buildings dedicated to the "Care of Street Children," as was written on the buildings.  In spite of that positive note, my aunt from Bombay tells me there are makeshift huts pitched at the base of the Ambani building, which are home to the poor.  We couldn't see them, or any real sign of poverty as we drove by.

During our first day in Bombay, we've mostly been immersed in the wealth of the city.  We're staying at one of the top hotels at Nariman Point, the wealthy business district of the city.  And never in my life have I experienced such luxury.  We would never stay in a hotel of equivalent luxury in the US-- it would be too expensive and we honestly wouldn't fit in.  But here, me wearing an old $20 maxi dress, sneakers and no makeup still constitutes the mark of a wealthy tourist (with respect to currency), and I could walk into any luxury hotel with no questions asked.  If I tried walking into the Plaza in NYC while wearing the same outfit, I would definitely get dirty looks and they might ask me to leave.  Converting the US dollar to Indian rupees gives you x10 the spending power that you would have in the US.  So the pricing of our fancy rooms at this Indian hotel in US dollars is more like price of an average, but pleasant hotel in the states.

Luxury hotel #1

Luxury hotel #2

Northern India is known for its historic sites, which are hundreds of years old.  Bombay is much newer, having more influence from the British than the ancient Mughal emperors.  So one of the perks is that visiting the tourist attractions tends to be free here (visiting palaces and such up north costs a few hundred rupees a person for foreigners)!  However, there are fewer tourist sites and the ones you can find are much less elaborate than those of the north. Visiting the India Gate was nice, but even more interestingly for me, the surrounding area doesn't even look like India-- It looks like Paris!  (I would know, because I used to live there and my brother was born there)  The European atmosphere makes sense, because the India gate was designed by the British and the surrounding area had a lot of British influence.  Check out these buildings!

My favorite part of our stay in Bombay so far was visiting the Hanging Gardens, which is the equivalent of Central Park in NYC.  There are beautiful flowers of many varieties, tropical trees, green grass, and tasteful artistic installments.  We spotted colorful, decorated birds in the shrubbery and were surrounded by butterflies drinking nectar from the blooms.  We saw wild blue, green, brown, orange and white butterflies everywhere.  Check out these photos!

Yes, I took this picture of a wild, living, moving butterfly!

This cute, fat and happy stray dog lounging in the garden!

Locals, albeit more affluent ones, come here with their families, friends and significant others.  That's right, people date here!  And for America, of course this sounds like no big deal. But in India, this is HUGE.  Get this: At the university in Manipal, public displays of affection are prohibited.  That's right, PDA is against the rules.  At this park, couples were holding hands, putting there arms around each other, leaning against each other, and had their faces so close together they were practically kissing! (But no kissing took place)  I was actually surprised when my dad, who is hesitant to me dating to some degree, bluntly said: "People date here, thank God!"

Part of my dad's theory for why north India is so backwards in terms of the way men treat women is largely attributed to sexual repression.  The relative openness of dating culture in Bombay might be part of the reason I can walk down the street in a tighter-fitting maxi dress that shows a good amount of skin by Indian standards, and not have men ogling at me.  In the North, even while I wore my dad's oversized jacket and jeans and layers and scarves, mens eyes were still glued to me and other covered women as if we were pieces of meat.  I was even groped by a stranger while I was in line at a train station, with my dad standing next to me!  In Bombay, men keep a respectful distance and don't gape at women who walk by while wearing skin tight clothing and shorts. And American clothes are very common here, even amongst locals.  The only thing that outright infuriated me was when a vendor persistently tried to sell me a copy of the Kama Sutra while we took a stroll around the same park.  If you don't know what the Kama Sutra is, you can look it up on Wikipedia or something.  Once I angrily stormed off, we weren't bothered by anyone else.  He was the only vendor we encountered, and he seemed to be keeping his sales on the down-low because selling items may have been banned in the garden.

Walking about the garden, undisturbed, while wearing modern American clothing and chilling with a giraffe:)

Also worth noting, Bombay previously had a female doctor as mayor.  That's right, a highly educated woman led the city! Perhaps this contributed to Bombay's liberalness, or was a manifestation of it. Either way, Bombay is progressive, and I love that.

I look forward to visiting my family here tonight, and in the coming few days!

We attempted to visit temples, but the lines just to get in extended down the streets for a solid block or two, packed with people wanting to pray for the new year.  May you all have a wonderful year ahead :) Happy New Years, and thanks for reading!

PS: Stay tuned for another post or two recapping my time Manipal.  I have most of it written out, but I'm trying to tell an intricate story tastefully and succinctly, which requires a fair amount of planning and revision. Between the family meals, outings and explorations, I didn't have enough to write a post of this magnitude during my stay in Manipal. It's on its way, and I hope you love it half as much as I love Manipal!

Manipal, a Place Where I Belong!

After stepping out of the airport into the streets of Mangalore, I immediately fell in love with the place.  Our taxi driver greeted us in my family’s native language, Konkani, which is rarely encountered and not well known amongst newer generation Indians.  Mangalore is a part of the Konkan Coast, home of the Konkani people (like yours truly!).  Only ~4 million people speak our language worldwide, so it feels amazing to be staying in a place where we are a majority for once.  Meeting another Konkani in the states is so rare--  Walking amongst a bunch of Konkanis in an everyday setting is out of this world!

A house near the airport in Mangalore

Landing in Mangalore was a blast.  Looking out the plane window, all you could see was a jungle of massive coconut trees and a tangle of rivers.   Driving away from the airport, the beautiful sites continued.  Small ponds full of water lilies lined the highways.  The sky here is actually blue, unlike the hazy brownish white of New Delhi.  A multitude of tropical trees line the streets and engulf the houses.  Vines of wildflowers climb across the plethora of foliage, dotting the masses of green with pinks, purples and yellows.  Blue-green rivers wind through the jungle, shimmering against the vivid red soil.   The scenery was so unique and beautiful,  it captivated me for the entire drive from Mangalore to Manipal.

A coconut tree as seen from my great aunt and uncle's terrace

A view of the river we saw while driving to Manipal from the airport

Unlike in Delhi, women freely walk the streets while smiling in this southern region! And surprisingly, infrastructure in this part of more rural India is far better than that of the urban cities we visited in the North.  Buildings are colorful, painted nicely, large, spaced out and pleasant to look at.  The average home in the Mangalore area appears better maintained than houses in what our tour guide called the “posh” regions of New Delhi. 

Another set of homes on the way to Manipal

Distribution of wealth is also much more equal here.  Although there is a large difference in salary between educated and less educated people, everyone here seems to have a home!  And there is almost no trace of poverty that I’ve noticed.  I haven’t seen a single person begging for money or living in makeshift housing.  Every home here seems well kept, although the size varies quite a bit.  In case you read "My Breaking Point," you'll understand why I'm thankful that even the lower middle class can live comfortably here.

An artistic shot of my cousin with the homes and buildings of Manipal in the background

Exploring Manipal and bonding with family was the highlight of my trip so far.  My favorite adventure was boating on the Swarna river with my cousin, uncle, great uncle, parents and brother.  I can’t even describe how beautiful or tranquil it was with words, so the pictures will have to do.  Watching the sun set as our boat drifted through the Swarna was incredible, and there were some wonderful birds and wild dogs along the shores which were fun to observe!  

Francis and his boat.  He took us around the river!

Sunset from the boat

I tend to fall in love with rural tropical areas like Honduras and now Manipal.  My new theory is that either in one of my past lives I lived in such a place, or my ancestral ties are calling me home!  I feel so connected to a place so different from where I was raised.  Manipal feels like a home away from home.

Stay tuned for my next post about the culture and family bonding in Manipal!  Thanks for reading :)

A sneak peak of part of our family at Malpe beach!

Domestic Flight Fiasco & Inefficiency in India

Like our previous train station situation, flying to Mangalore from the airport in New Delhi was also a wreck.  Traveling the equivalent from San Francisco to Pheonix---a 2.5 hour flight--- ended up taking us over 24 hours due to needless inefficiencies with the airport system. 

After finishing up our rounds in the golden triangle, we woke up at 3:30 AM, got our bags ready and hit the road from Jaipur back to the airport in New Delhi.   Jaipur has an international airport, but for some reason it was impossible for them to work out a way to get us from Jaipur to Manglore in fewer than three connecting flights, which would be very risky to take considering possibility for delays.  So we decided to drive 5 hours from Jaipur back to New Delhi to catch an afternoon flight there, hence the waking up at 3:30 AM.  Of course, our flight had a connection in Mumbai.  Luckily for us, traffic was lighter than our driver and tour guide had expected, so we ended up arriving at the airport in a mere 3 hours!

The fog was crazy ridiculous when we arrived in New Delhi!  You couldn’t even see 10 feet in front of you (Mad props to our driver for getting us to our destinations safely!). We thought the fog would cause delays, but the airport claimed that the weather wouldn’t be a problem, so we checked in our bags and continued to wait.  For some reason, the guy doing check-ins claimed that there were strict weight requirements even though our bags were light enough by international standards, and they charged us a HUGE fee.  And then made us run back and forth across the airport to make the payment instead of using his same kiosk. [[Later when we made it to the airport in Mumbai, we found out they were supposed to give us an extra weight allowance, but a refund wasn’t possible]] It was 10:30 AM when we arrived at the airport and our flight was scheduled to depart at 4pm. 

We continued to chill and wait.  Then at 2:45pm, we get a text from an American flight app telling us that our flight is delayed by 3 hours, thereby meaning we would miss our connection in Mumbai.  And of course, there is no warning whatsoever because the New Delhi airport is called “a silent airport,” pretty much meaning that people are too lazy to make announcements via intercom.  Not even the display monitor mentioned the delay.  So with hardly any advanced warning, we faced another huge change of plan, yet again (throwback to the train station).  No other connecting flight could be arranged in the same night, the airport wouldn’t provide lodging to compensate, and we couldn’t cancel our reservation at our final hotel in Manipal. 

Apparently, many other people were in similar situations, seeing as though there was a lot yelling at the airport.  Overhearing a couple other conversations, people claim to have been waiting for 5+ hours for their flights as well, only to face unexpected delays and cancelations. 

The flight to Mumbai was then delayed until midnight and our rescheduled connection to Manglore was at 8AM, meaning we had to bum it overnight in the airport.  We were supposed to spend 2 days in Manipal with family, but ended up dedicating over 24 hours just to travel.  

We ended up having WAY more problems at the airport than I've described thus far, but I’m not even going to bother continuing because let’s be honest, nobody cares.  The point is that all of our problems were due to or worsened by fact that the Indian system is crazy inefficient, whether it be top rated hotels, tourist attractions, train stations or domestic flights. 

Service in India in a nutshell: there will be 500 employees currently at their place of work, but five of them are actually working, and three of the five have no idea what’s going on.  On the positive side, I will admit that the airport in Mumbai was actually decent!

Driving 1,000 miles from New Delhi to Manipal would have been faster, yet again.  Luckily for our driver, he’s home free and gets to spend new years with his family.  My family decided that Ram’s driving is the most dependable form of transport in India, so if you ever need a wonderful driver during your stay in India, hit me up by commenting or contacting me and I can get you in contact with his agency.  Ask for Ram!

Honestly at that point, my family wanted to go straight home to the states.  India is crazy inefficient a lot of the time, and it’s pretty hard to handle.  Many of my friends and family members love India, but honestly, moments like this make it hard to see why.  I do hope spending time with my family makes a difference, in spite of the fact that our time in Manipal has been cut drastically short.  It’s just that so much of my family is in the states already, so perhaps that’s why I’m less charmed by India than other people.  Time will only tell, and I can’t wait to see my family!

Thanks for reading :)  Take it easy, y'all!