Towards the end of our trip, my poor brother woke up at 3AM with the worst case of food poisoning I've seen-- even worse than the time I got E. coli from German airplane food during the outbreak in 2011. Over the course of the next two days, a combination of prescribed meds, liquids and rest in the hotel room lead to my brother's full recovery. So we ended up flying back to the US smoothly, thank goodness. The moral of the story is: Don't try eating oysters or calamari for the first time in India, even in a 5 star restaurant on New Years. And listen to your overly cautious, premed sister. If one not-absolutely-terrible thing came from this experience, it was interesting to see myself spring into action and take the graveyard shift caring from my brother from 4AM to 9AM and then making it through the day without getting phased by fatigue. I tend not to be able to stay up very late to cram for exams (my college friends know me for getting sleepily easily, relative to other people who pull all-nighters like it's nobody's business), but its good to know that when health is involved, I can rise the occasion. Of course, I still would have traded this realization for my brother being 100% healthy during our trip. I'm just glad he's totally fine now!
While my brother and dad stayed at the hotel, my mom and I went to visit family. Shopping at local stores with my wonderful family in Bombay was a much better experience than the one described in "My Breaking Point". At local stores, you're in control rather than the vendors. Prices are fair, and vendors are much less pushy/less likely to cheat you. I now have some idea of how to effectively drive down prices with actions and body language, even if I can't speak Hindi. For example: walking away when they won't bargain down to your price works wonders to get vendors to compromise. Having multiple stores selling similar goods in close proximity to each other means you have more options, so unlike those tourist malls in the north, shop keepers don't have a monopoly. My great aunt sure knows how to bargain calmly, while still smiling. As inexperienced bargainers, my mom and I tended to bargain up north by visibly getting angry at vendors-- but even the most experienced bargainers might have similar reactions, given how rude/ridiculous some of those vendors were.
After shopping, I went with my family in Bombay to see the apartment where my mom's deceased father and his younger brothers lived during their earlier years. Seeing my grandpa's name on the door really made me miss him. The entire building is going to demolished and rebuilt soon, so I'm thankful to have been able to see the apartment before it's gone. This was also the same apartment that my mom spent the first few years of her life! I was pleasantly shocked when the downstairs neighbors recognized my mom by name instantly, without needing my great aunt explain who she was. The neighbors hadn't seen my mom since she was five!! I'm amazed that they could still recognize my mom so easily, even now that she's old enough to have adult children of her own. This goes to show how beautifully close people can get with their neighbors in India!
My recently married aunt and uncle in Bombay make an adorable couple. They're constantly smiling, happy and just the right amount of cuddly. They give me hope, and honestly I want to end up in a marriage where my future husband and I are as happy as they appear to be! Whether I choose to have a "love-marriage" (which is what Indians call a non-arranged marriage) or an arranged marriage (yes, I could see myself having an arranged marriage if dating doesn't work out), I know both types of marriage can be full of love. And in addition, whether I marry an Indian or not, everything will be okay-- plenty of other people in my family have married non-Indians and turned out just fine. I know I have family that will love me as long as I stay true to myself.
Who I marry is up in the air at this point, but I know with certainty that I want to incorporate more of my culture into my future by choice, not because I feel obligated to. Like my mom has been telling me for the past few years when I've struggled to find cultural balances in my life: "You can't please everyone, just be yourself." At first I didn't fully believe her-- I thought there would be some magical way to do what everyone wanted so we could all end up happy. But I now understand that she's right. Being who I am should be enough for people to love me, and if it isn't, then I don't need that negativity in my life anyway. Even if we disagree sometimes, my mom has always known best!
I was honestly scared to come to India, thinking that my family wouldn't accept me due to my lack of culture. But now I know I am loved across India, and that I want to come back to the south at my next available chance. Although I don't plan to come back to the north any time soon, I'll probably bring my future children to the north to so they can see the historic sites when they're old enough to appreciate them.
Thanks for sticking with me through this incredible journey. Even though "Cultural Reflections from an ABCD's First Visit to India as an Adult" has come to a close, I hope this segment of my blog can be an eye opener for people who have limited experience with India, a source of guidance for other ABCDs like me who are trying to find their place in the world, and a fresh perspective for people very familiar with India. It's been a privilege and a blessing to have viewers all over the world, in countries I wouldn't even expect! Knowing I've had supporters across the globe throughout all of this has been incredible.
While my brother and dad stayed at the hotel, my mom and I went to visit family. Shopping at local stores with my wonderful family in Bombay was a much better experience than the one described in "My Breaking Point". At local stores, you're in control rather than the vendors. Prices are fair, and vendors are much less pushy/less likely to cheat you. I now have some idea of how to effectively drive down prices with actions and body language, even if I can't speak Hindi. For example: walking away when they won't bargain down to your price works wonders to get vendors to compromise. Having multiple stores selling similar goods in close proximity to each other means you have more options, so unlike those tourist malls in the north, shop keepers don't have a monopoly. My great aunt sure knows how to bargain calmly, while still smiling. As inexperienced bargainers, my mom and I tended to bargain up north by visibly getting angry at vendors-- but even the most experienced bargainers might have similar reactions, given how rude/ridiculous some of those vendors were.
After shopping, I went with my family in Bombay to see the apartment where my mom's deceased father and his younger brothers lived during their earlier years. Seeing my grandpa's name on the door really made me miss him. The entire building is going to demolished and rebuilt soon, so I'm thankful to have been able to see the apartment before it's gone. This was also the same apartment that my mom spent the first few years of her life! I was pleasantly shocked when the downstairs neighbors recognized my mom by name instantly, without needing my great aunt explain who she was. The neighbors hadn't seen my mom since she was five!! I'm amazed that they could still recognize my mom so easily, even now that she's old enough to have adult children of her own. This goes to show how beautifully close people can get with their neighbors in India!
 |
| N.K. Shenai, that's my grandpa's name! |
 |
| My great uncle, mom and great aunt together in the apartment. They helped raise my mom when she was a small child! |
Who I marry is up in the air at this point, but I know with certainty that I want to incorporate more of my culture into my future by choice, not because I feel obligated to. Like my mom has been telling me for the past few years when I've struggled to find cultural balances in my life: "You can't please everyone, just be yourself." At first I didn't fully believe her-- I thought there would be some magical way to do what everyone wanted so we could all end up happy. But I now understand that she's right. Being who I am should be enough for people to love me, and if it isn't, then I don't need that negativity in my life anyway. Even if we disagree sometimes, my mom has always known best!
I was honestly scared to come to India, thinking that my family wouldn't accept me due to my lack of culture. But now I know I am loved across India, and that I want to come back to the south at my next available chance. Although I don't plan to come back to the north any time soon, I'll probably bring my future children to the north to so they can see the historic sites when they're old enough to appreciate them.
Thanks for sticking with me through this incredible journey. Even though "Cultural Reflections from an ABCD's First Visit to India as an Adult" has come to a close, I hope this segment of my blog can be an eye opener for people who have limited experience with India, a source of guidance for other ABCDs like me who are trying to find their place in the world, and a fresh perspective for people very familiar with India. It's been a privilege and a blessing to have viewers all over the world, in countries I wouldn't even expect! Knowing I've had supporters across the globe throughout all of this has been incredible.
 |
| Kittens we saw while shopping in Bombay |
And for those of you who know me, it just wouldn't be right if I ended this series of blog posts without posting some pictures of Indian kittens. So here you go!
.JPG) |
| Kitten by my Bombay family's apartment complex |
Your support means the world. Continue to share the blog if you like, and keep the conversation about India going. I hope this blog has been an inspiration to you somehow, even if only in a small way.
Check back for more travel advice about California, and posts about my future travels abroad!
Have a wonderful 2015, everyone!
Love,
Neena
No comments:
Post a Comment